Never be afraid to ask for help, even if you believe you can handle it on your own.

At any point in our lives, it can be challenging to express our wants, and it doesn’t get any easier once a baby is born.

It’s common to feel uncomfortable asking for assistance during this time of uphill struggles, some of which are actual (such as pushing a stroller up stairs) and some of which are metaphorical (such as coping with postpartum worry).

Asking for help can make us feel like we’re forcing ourselves on other people. However, trying to handle baby care by yourself can make you feel isolated and overburdened.

Extreme quantities of strength and energy are needed to raise your new child, and it’s perfectly acceptable if you don’t have them right now.

We talked to mothers and communication specialists about how to ask for and truly receive significant aid to help you get what you need at this time.

These are 12 of their top methods for enlisting the help of loved ones, friends, coworkers, and even your spouse.

1. Identify your needs

Real talk: Amidst the strains of the motherhood transition, we’re not always thinking with perfect clarity.

A hazy cloud of to -do s may cast a shadow over you as you run on fumes and up to your ears in filthy onesies.

Try first breaking through the confusion with a straightforward writing exercise to gain the most helpful help. As Dr.

Anna Hiatt Ni cho laides, a certified clinical psychologist, explains, “a journal or bullet list can be an effective way to suss out what’s really going on in your mind.

” “After determining your need, you can consider how to express it.

” Everything that feels overwhelming should be listed and then arranged from highest to lowest priority.

2. Have your to-do list close at hand.

Keeping a physical list on hand won’t simply help you go through your thoughts, it’ll give direction for others.

“When people visit, they often want to hold the baby for you.

However, Kayce Hodos, LPC, a private practice counselor, notes, “You might need them to make you a sandwich, do a load of laundry, or clean the toilet.

” “When someone asks what you need, give them your list of tasks that seem insurmountable.”

3. Don’t be scared to inquire further.

It’s difficult enough to reach out once. It may feel much more awkward to do it twice.

Therefore, you might be afraid to follow up when a friend who promised to clean for you doesn’t show up or a dinner delivery disappears. “Don’t be,” Ni cho laides says.

She advises, “It is depressing to have your needs disregarded, particularly when you are giving your entire life to meet the needs of your baby, but you deserve to be cared for.” “Never give up trying to satisfy your desires, no matter what they may be.

Look to your family or close friends if your partner is not responding.

Consider the other person’s perspective: Wouldn’t you want to know if you failed to assist a friend?

4. Make use of a template for food service.

but not only for meals

Meal Train and Take Them a Meal are excellent websites for organizing family and friend home-cooked meals.

They can be used for more than just meatloaf and casserole, which is surprising.

These templates are capable of scheduling a wide range of services from family members, including babysitting and housework.

They may even be used to convey ideas that are difficult to convey face-to-face.

According to therapist Annie Hsueh, PhD, “make sure to communicate preferences regarding the length of time people can stay and visit with you, as well as information on any dietary restrictions or preferences.”

5. Try out additional helpful internet resources.

These days, there are a ton of websites and apps designed to make life easier for new parents.

Think about allowing one of them to digitize your needs relating to your infant. “I made a sign using SignUp Genius for people to come by and hold my girls and give them their bottles after having twins and realizing I needed more help,” explains mother Bethany C. “It was really nice to get some social interaction during that crazy time, in addition to the physical help.”

Marriage and family therapist Katie Ziskind, LMFT, adds, “Using Trello boards as to-do lists is one way new parents can communicate their needs effectively after baby arrives.

” Trello’s digital organizing tools are frequently used for cooperation at work, but there’s no reason why they can’t be applied to household duties as well. If you and your spouse have hectic schedules, online communication might even be the greatest method to keep in sync.

Ziskind advises, “Create ways of communicating that you can both read, like using Google’s Keep.”

6. Decide who will be your delegate.

How about finding someone who can make requests on your behalf if you’re uncomfortable reaching out? Mom Whitney S.

remembers, “I had a friend who insisted that I choose one of three ways she could support me, and I chose a Meal Train and it was literally the best thing.” “To avoid having to worry about imposing, I would suggest going through a good friend or family member who can make things happen.

” Everybody has that one family member who doesn’t hold back while expressing their opinions. Utilize them

7. Make sensible use of social media.

Social networking can be both a boon and a bane, as you have undoubtedly discovered from experience.

When it comes to feeling supported following the birth of a child, this is equally true.

According to Hodos, “social media can be a place to connect with parent groups and other resources in their community as well as find support from other new moms.

” “Mom can scroll to keep herself awake and even find helpful tips from other new parents while trying to get baby to sleep in the middle of the night.”

Regarding asking friends and relatives for assistance, Hodos advises against posting about your problems on Instagram. “I would advise reaching out on your own.

Sharing such content on social media might make you feel quite vulnerable, and you don’t need to deal with strangers or unreliable commenters criticizing your company.

8. Contract out your requirements

Is it too much to ask your best friend to clean your dinner plates? You can now ask a complete stranger to do it.

You may search a database of people that are only interested in helping you out around the house in exchange for a small amount of money on websites such as Task Rabbit.

(Yes, they must successfully complete background checks.) This kind of intermittent assistance could be the key to reducing stress if funds permit.

9. Consider joining a support group.

Sharing burdens with people outside of our own circle may be simpler for anyone (well, everyone of us) who has less-than-ideal connections with relatives. Let’s go to the parent support group.

From nursing to babywearing, these groups cover every new parent concern. Hey, spending time with people who are similar to you never hurts, does it? Additionally, you never know what beneficial opportunities a support group may present.

“I met some amazing women during a meeting of the La Leche League. That ultimately helped me locate a physician who could treat my infant’s tongue tie,” says Bethany C.

10. Speak with a specialist

There is a purpose for family therapists, pediatricians, and lactation specialists.

Support from friends and family can only go so far when it comes to some postpartum problems.

The moment may have come to contact a specialist. Are you trying to locate the best mental health professional? According to Lauren Cook, M M F T, “if a new mother is having trouble finding a therapist who can be of assistance, reach out to other new mothers who have probably used assistance as well.

” “If a new mother is not sure where to start, Psychology Today is another excellent resource.”

Don’t be afraid to ask your baby’s doctor any questions you may have regarding feeding or baby care.

“A lot of pediatricians have lactation nurses on staff, and if they don’t, they should know who to call,” Hodos adds.

11. Trust in the goodwill of others

Has your 60-inch stroller got to fit through a revolving door? Are you having trouble managing your car seat, groceries, diaper bag, and car keys all at once? Asking a stranger for assistance is appropriate in certain situations, particularly when you’re out and about.

However, how can one make the leap? “The best way to let the person know you’re looking at them directly is to smile and make eye contact,” Cook advises.

“You can say, ‘Hello, would you mind opening the door for me? My hands are really full right now.

‘” People prefer to feel valued for their good deeds, so always say thank you for their assistance.

12. Increase the number of times you talk to your partner.

Talking to your spouse or partner about receiving the help you need can be the most difficult of all.

Honest communication at the appropriate time is crucial in this most personal relationship.

Marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Apple bury, LMFT, advises choosing a moment when you both have some spare time and are feeling at ease to talk about your needs and your partner’s needs.

“Before bringing up this subject, always ask your partner if it is a good time to do so.

” (That is, not when you’re both tired and irritable in the middle of the night).

Don’t quit after the first conversation! Cook asserts that discussing requirements is a continuous, perhaps hourly, conversation rather than a one-time event.

“Being flexible and understanding that you will occasionally require more assistance than others is the best thing you and your partner can do,” Cook adds.